A Letter From Shame

You are the roadblock to my heart
a simmering pot of vulnerability
hidden, overlooked, and filled with aggression
each time you were told to grow up and
be a man you felt so neglected
get off my back, leave me alone
you wanna hold on, but it's time to let go
you are the roadblock to my heart

A letter from shame

Dear Mr. Thirty-seven year old man who puts himself down,

It's not your fault, take a look around.

Vulnerability wasn't an option for the man who had everything torn to pieces because he couldn't explain why his life fell apart, and your mother broke his heart. Afraid, you lived a life of shoulds based on what you could do when you felt lost. Unfortunately, the choices you made came with a cost.

I know our relationship is unpleasant, but hear me out for just one second.

I am the painful, self-conscious voice inside your head that might make you feel defective, but I am simply a reflection of your past wounds that ache to be seen and heard. This letter is written in a form of a spoken word.

My name is a shame, and I have something to say. I’ve come here to help you release the guilt you feel because I am very much real.

You are not less of a man because you can’t understand why I come into your life. Trust yourself, take a deep breath, let yourself cry.

Running from me will only prevent you from feeling seen in a world that craves vulnerability. Do you know how much I want to be seen? But you never look at me because you place your sense of self in everyone else but yourself? Look around, stop knocking yourself down.

I’ll be here your entire life, did I mention it’s okay to cry?

Stop fighting with those inner critics inside your head. All they do is make you feel as if you were better off dead with no courage to stand tall, in a story that wants you to play small.

It’s time you drop the armor from your heart. It’s heavy and makes you drift further away from your heart, while you get caught in depression, far from the present.

Your self-esteem is attached to your competency; the more you try to hold it all together, the less you'll feel seen. Stop reacting. How about you take action and open your heart with compassion. You are not defective. I am here to offer a different perspective. Continued aggression will make you fall deeper into depression.

You might be a Marine, but it’s okay to take a knee. You are not a machine. I hope you can see I do not make you weak, but give you the courage to live authentically.

Turn towards me and do it for yourself. There is no use in life living in hell.

I am here to remind you to live with an open heart. Trust, I’m not trying to tear your world apart.

Your long lost friend,
Shame